Today I was watering my grass. Something I love to do each and every day, as it brings me peace and calm as I watch the water slowly falling over my nicely manicured lawn (of course, there are days I have to look past the clearly UN-manicured lawn), but no matter it’s state, I use it as a time to meditate, clear my head and connect with nature.
However something unusual happened today. I stood on what I initially thought was a thorn but even as I wiped my foot the pain persisted like someone was shoving a thorn in and out of my soft spot. After moments of dabbing I decided it must have been a sting of some kind and went to carry on my “moment”. Then I realised that instead of standing on my lawn, I was tentatively standing on the pavement watering from afar to avoid the hurt.
This intrigued me for a second because this is the first time in I don’t know how many waterings that I had been stung, yet my reaction was to avoid the grass altogether. Of course, there is the consideration that the pain was still fresh and, therefore a natural instinct to avoid the situation which caused the pain.
But it got me wondering. How many times in our lives do we avoid painful situations because of one instance that caused us pain. Sure, some pain can be awful, but wouldn’t that be the worst it could be, and are the odds really high of exactly the same thing happening, and you feeling the exact same level of hurt?
Half of the pleasure I got from watering my garden was to sink my bare feet into its cushy wet grassness, feeling the breeze on my face. Now instead I found myself scrutinising the terrain in front of me like it had turned itself into a pit of fire ants.
How many of us get hurt in a relationship of some kind, or humiliated in some way and spend our whole lives avoiding anything that closely resembles that same situation. It is human nature, and arguably a solid defense mechanism, to avoid situations where we could be injured, but the goal is meant to be to learn in order to make different choices next time because that’s when the real benefits roll in. Not run a mile closing all doors and windows hoping to never repeat the horror.
The other human trait is association. We tend to associate certain things with our situations. As an example, my gorgeous daughter Harper broke her arm whilst playing with mummy last Friday. We had gone to feed the ducks and had a really great morning until that point. But while this poor little soul cried in pain she said two things. Mummy we won’t ever play that game again (fair enough), and, I don’t ever want to feed ducks again.
As with most of us, the memory of feeding ducks (an event completely unrelated to her broken arm) got associated with the pain she had been experiencing whilst feeding the ducks. Imagine what a shame that would be never having the joy of feeding ducks again.
So this is what I’m saying.
Yes we all feel pain, and in very many different ways, environments, modes etc etc. but be careful what you drag into your experience and associate with that pain because you could be cutting some truly amazing experiences along with it. Be confident in yourself that if you have gone through this hurt, that you have learnt, and that you will not make those same choices again.
(I feel like I want to say that when it comes to men and women and relationships, so many of us repeat the same patterns, but that’s another whole blog on it’s own!!).
Still, generally speaking, the same applies. If you can see the situation for what it is, recognise that you’ve learnt from what you didn’t enjoy, take any necessary action to adjust your life so that you make better choices, or let it go completely because the odds of the exact same situation reoccuring are just too minimal to waste any more life on it, then you can be confident you won’t need to experience the same situation.
There are way too many glorious moments out there to enjoy, and if you let fear of being hurt decide your choices, the chances are that you’ll also cut away the part of life you want the most; freedom, happiness, joy, peace, love, relationships, self worth…
This is not even going into the law of attraction that will bring you more opportunities to face your fears when you try to avoid hurt (but again, that is a whole nother blog).
Trust life, trust yourself.
I do 🙂
MeditatingMama – Happiness Coach xoxo