Happiness is everything…it underlies everything within our lives.
To make a point, let’s have some fun…
Fun…hmmm..ponder this for a distracted minute..
Kids play on a playground; Adults work through an obstacle course!?!
At what point does playing with life to learn and grow become work and chores?!?
I would say the moment we are told we “have to”, “must”, “should”. These words take all the power and control away from us. Like some outside force deciding what we need to do and how to do it.
Doesn’t sound like fun to me.
Just to be clear, fun doesn’t always have to mean laughing and frolicking (although they do seem to go hand in hand). Fun can just as easily mean peaceful, enjoyable, fulfilling, accomplishing…use the word that best describes the feeling you want out of life…
So what happens when we’re told we have to do something?
It stops becoming fun and becomes work.
How much “work” do you do in your life?
Social events, exercise, diet, job, child duties… How do you see them? Work, or play.
If we turned these things on their head and asked ourselves, “how could I change these so they were more like play and less like work”?
(don’t worry about the how or the consequences at this stage).
Just ask the simple question, preferably aloud, “what does fun (peace, pleasure) look like for me?”
And how will I feel if my life looked like that more often than not?
These days everyone has an opinion they’re way too comfortable sharing; How to look, how to raise your kids, how to attract friends / husbands, even how to have sex…
No one’s talking enough about how to love it!
So many of us try to get to happiness by dieting or exercising to create an image that’s socially acceptable because then we’ll attract that perfect partner or social group so that we’ll feel accepted and this will make us happy;
or we want that winning lotto ticket because then our problems will go away as we will have lots of money to do whatever we want so we will feel free and this will make us happy;
or how about to give our kids everything we never had, this would make you happy no?
So we go about our days doing our damnedest to diet, put on a show to fit in, work our butts off to get that bigger house, exercise.. but does it leave us feeling happier.
The reason is this…the motivation behind our efforts…we’re still putting all the outcomes for our happiness in someone else’s hands…
When we look good to be liked it’s exhausting. If you’re being something you’re not then you’re always acting therefore attracting people you don’t enjoy which leaves you feeling unsatisfied both with your social environment and your Self. Long term effects of keeping up with the Jones’s are depression and anxiety.
When we diet and exercise solely to attract the “perfect” partner it becomes a chore and we often don’t attract the right person because we’re not being authentic. This turns into yoyo dieting…if our looks are a hit, we’re motivated to carry on but if no one’s interested in us, or we get dumped, we fall of the wagon and eat a slab of chocolate (or 10!).
When we work our butts off just for money for that bigger house or to spend more time with our children, we often miss out on the very thing we’re working for (spending time with the kids, friends, enjoying the sunshine) because we’re either working, too tired to enjoy them or cleaning that big old expensive big house.
So let’s give this a try. Firstly, review the list. You know, “the list”. That string of things you lie awake dreaming about.
You want to get to the root of your desire for these things in order to see if they have a happiness base..
Firstly, ask yourself why you want it. But you have to dig deep, you need to keep asking “why do I want this” until you get to the root of it.
I want a man/woman in my life,
Because I want a wedding,
Because all my friends are married,
Because I don’t want to be alone,
Because that makes me feel bad about myself,
Because then there’s something wrong with me, they are better than me,
Because if I don’t have someone, I’m not lovable
So your true desire for a partner is so that you can feel good enough.
Now take a look at all the other items on your “list”. How many tie in to you wanting to feel….(lovable/good enough/worthy/safe)?
Congratulations, you have just found your limiting beliefs. These will block you from true happiness because true happiness comes with no strings attached.
What do I mean by this?
You are holding happiness hostage because you have tied it to an event or set of circumstances which must now live up to your expectation. Using our above example, it means that if this person doesn’t make you feel better about yourself day in and day out, your happiness goes out of the window.
It’s fleeting and unsustainable.
Spend some time reflecting on what truly makes YOU happy then go about your life making choices that ONLY support getting these things.
The key to happiness is consciousness and presence in everything we do. To do things on purpose as opposed to reacting keeps you in your power and free from the binds, guilt, surprises or repercussions of poor choices. It also frees everyone else in your life from your expectations so they too can be and do what pleases them.
Knowing your happiness center will mean every choice and decision will be made only with that in mind moving you ever closer to that life you dream of…