We’ve all heard the sayings “don’t give up”, “never quit”, “don’t pack it in just before you reap it in (ok I just made that one up) but you’ve no doubt heard something similar. I have certainly heard myself and others urging me on when the going gets tough which is great because typically we must never give in.
But sometimes, just sometimes, it’s oh so good to give up too.
So you’ve had one of those days, or moments, or months or heck even years, where life isn’t “flowing” the way you would like it to. Yet you soldier on regardless, doing whatever’s needed to pick yourself up and dust yourself off.
Then you do it the next day / month / year..
And the next..
When finally something inside snaps and a part of you (a big part) says ENOUGH!!!
And you give up.
Which feels sooooo good because you start to think about what you actually want to be doing with your time rather than what you should be doing with it. You stop caring what others are going to say and do what the heck you want anyway.
Which is fantastic.
For a bit.
But then guilt starts to creep in and the shoulds rear their ugly head and you find yourself creeping back to where you were because “quitting is for losers” and you’re a winner (or you’re going to be!), and if you’re not taking action then you’re not trying, and if you’re not trying then you’re not doing, and if you’re not doing then you’re never going to get to where you want to be.
Right?
Wrong!
Trying and efforting are pushing energies, so sometimes the harder we “try”, the more we’re pushing the very thing we want away from us.
When that little voice which starts as a whisper, gently telling you something is too hard, becomes that booming voice in your head that says ENOUGH. That’s your opportunity to STOP.
Give up.
Surrender.
Let go.
Go within.
Speak to that booming voice. Ask it what it needs.
Because 9 times out of 10 it’s a part of you you’ve shut away, sacrificed with all the efforting to get something you want. Or it’s the part of you that’s sick of you being so hard on yourself.
And these are important parts.
It’s the parts of you that put you first.
It’s the parts of you that allow.
Allowing is a drawing energy. It’s relaxed and open and welcoming. It’s a feeling of peace and a knowing that all will come to you when you trust, have faith and believe. When you let go, you allow. When you give up, you surrender. And in surrender you give over control to a greater part of you. The part that knows exactly what you need to be happy, successful, loved, peaceful, prosperous…
Whereas the efforting part doesn’t look at the greater picture, it just looks at the life story around you and what you don’t want, what you’re trying to get rid of / change / leave. These are all negative aspects, that if you focus on, you attract.
As an example, I have someone in my life who I wish desperately to have good relations with. It certainly would benefit a lot of people for us to do so. But I had tried many different ways to build good communication, trust and friendship but inevitably resulted in the same outcome. So one day I thought F@ck !t and gave up. And as soon as I did that a weight lifted. I no longer held myself responsible for his emotional state. I freed up my mental activity because I stopped caring about how he felt, putting myself instead as the priority. This led to me questioning what it was I needed in order to feel peace around our relations, and so I took completely different steps to set up a new way to communicate. But it was only in that moment of letting go, where I was free from the responsibilities that I had placed on myself, that I could see an alternative solution. As a result we both now can feel what we choose to without impacting each other.
So, I definitely say never give in. Always keep dreaming and believing, but every now and then when life seems “too hard”, consider that perhaps it is and give up. Stop trying and let life surround you and take you where you need to go. Or at the very least, give up in your mind, enjoy the feeling of not caring, enjoy the feeling of selfishness and doing whatever it is that you want to do, and from that place consider how you could adjust your life to bring more peace, harmony, joy, fulfillment … into it.
Because, as L’oreal says, “you’re worth it!”
And so do I of course 😉
Your MeditatingMama
Happiness Coach
MM you have some very wise words in your blogs, I have taken much pleasure reading through them all. Keep up the good work.
Dee.
P.s when you gave up desperately wanting relations with that man did it work out or just end up the same? I know this is a old post but I’m in a similar place now…
Hello Lovely Dee,
I take pleasure in letting you know that things are better than I ever could have expected. Relationships are our greatest challenge because they carry so much baggage and investment in terms of emotions and self-worth. But that’s the great thing about them, the opportunity for release and redesign. Often though, most people (as did I), get things the wrong way around…instead of focussing on the other person desiring change for them, we need to solely focus on ourselves and change what is causing our pain from within. I love this topic and plan to put out a few more articles on what you CAN do to shift relationships to something you want. I hope you find them helpful in this time of healing.
Love to you,
MM Hannah
I for one will keep a look out for your words of wisdom.
For me I’ll shift my way of thinking from what is causing such feelings of pain and focus on my own self love. I feel this way if I’m going to reconcile with my partner which is what I desire it will not be based upon me fulfilling his desires, needs and wants as I will have all the strength and love of myself to not feel like s… When I feel I’m not fulfilling his needs.
Dee.
Dee you are certainly heading in the right direction. The truth of it is we are all changing and evolving who we are, and so when you make the necessary changes to your life which result in you feeling better then you will attract an exact match to that new sparkly you. Now that may be your ex, or it may be something even more wonderful. There is not a single person who is not going through this in some way so don’t feel alone, it is part of life to keep reaching for more, therefore something in our life must make us WANT more.
The end goals is always love, and the only place you know for sure you can get it is inside.
And today from me…I’m sending much love your way right now 😉 xoxo
MM, I woke this morning and and realised us women place so much expectation on our men today, it’s something they will never be able to live up to. We women are always evolving with changing needs and wants which must be very confusing for men as they tend to stay the same.
I feel we should be truely satisfied if we have a good man in our lives who allows us to experience such changing ways and wants though we do need to let go from time to time and as you said just say f… It and give in to our own needs.
Now I say if our partner accepts our changing ways we women should hold on to him for dear life as we all know good men are few and far between. I wish you and your husband (or partner) the happiest of relations as he must be a special man to have accepted you letting go and continuing to be there and not giving into fight and flight as men do. Hold him dear as I am mine and let him know how appreciated he truly is (as we know men need to know they’re appreciated and loved as much as do we women)
Dee