Managing other people’s expectations

In this world of duality we like to think of things as good and bad, right and wrong, love or hate… And why not, everything we see around us has a polar opposites that help us to decide what we do and don’t want in our life. In fact that is the whole purpose of our lives.

But the real purpose in our life is joy which comes from finding satisfaction in everything we do. Discerning between what we do and don’t like are merely the modes we use to find this. So what happens when our discernment of what we do and don’t like turns to the opposite…feelings of pain, dissatisfaction, fear, doubt, depression…?

We are either labelling other people’s behaviour as good, bad, right, wrong or are grappling with the idea of being judged by others. With the introduction of social media and the world wide web, more than ever society as a whole is deciding this for all of humanity. This puts great expectations on all of us to do, be, have, say, act in a socially acceptable way.

But here’s the thing. Just as one man’s junk is another man’s treasure, so are the things we find fulfilling in this life. My sister always used to say, when asked what she did for a living, “think of the most boring job” and to this day everyone has correctly answered “accountant”. But she loves this. To her it is thrilling and exciting and she loves what she does.

Isn’t this true for everything in life? Don’t you have friends / family / co-workers, who cannot understand why you like or don’t like something? Have a hobby or fetish that have people eye rolling or scratching their heads?

So then with this smorgasbord of things that attract our attention, can you imagine trying to live up to all of them, for everyone. Whew, that would be insane and very very exhausting.

So then why are we putting expectations on others to conform to some “social norm”. Well most of us are looking for happiness and we feel that if someone could just behave in the way that makes us feel happy that life would be just swell. And it would if we ALL liked the same things leading us to behave in an identical manner. But we don’t. So asking someone to behave a certain way so that you can feel better would be asking them to be unhappy for you. Now imagine the whole planet did this… You probably don’t need to picture that too hard, just look around.

Everywhere we look people are deciding how others should behave and getting pretty angry if they don’t. Just take a look around at rush hour? How about what defines manners? The appropriate way to date someone, or how we complete tasks in the family home. The price we pay when we don’t like what we see is our own good feelings of that moment. Now through a scenario for which we have absolutely no control (someone else’s driving) we have ruined our day.

The goal of life is for us to be able to give ourselves the good feelings we so long for. Not to ask the planet of people to adjust themselves so that what they do makes us feel better. We need to be the person who makes us feel loved, happy, peaceful, excited, thrilled, satisfied. Because truthfully, we are the only ones on this entire planet who can every minute of every day. Other people can give it to us haphazardly but this results in a yoyo day of feeling good and bad depending on their decisions and moods.

“So that sux”.

“Are you saying Mama that I have to work at making myself happy!!”

“Ugh that sounds hard”.

It sure is to start because we’ve been so well trained to look outside of ourselves to find our happiness. I mean you only need to watch Trolls to see the absurdity of that. (In the movie the Burgens believe that eating a Troll will make them happy).

So start by asking yourself what expectations you place on others on a daily basis?

Now if you’ve gone straight to thinking about strangers or celebrities, bring it a little closer to home. What expectations do you place on your friends, coworkers, parents, children, other drivers, partners?

Oooo that’s a little different isn’t it.

Well it’s not. There is no good or bad, right or wrong in this world, only preference. What we prefer and what suits us is what gives us the type of experiences we are after. If we sit and follow someone else’s preferences we will never work out our own. Having a contrasting experience is what guides us to our place of joy and satisfaction but only when we continue to chose the experiences and thoughts that make us feel good.

So you’ve reigned yourself in and you find you have come to enjoy other people’s idiosyncrasies.. Does this take away other people’s expectations on you?

Mostly yes because now that you are feeling good about life more often than not, the Law of Attraction will ensure you get more good feeling people and situations. That doesn’t mean you will never have expectations put upon you but if you can shift your thinking to “I am not on this planet to live up to your expectations. Your happiness is not reliant on my behaviour. You are responsible for making yourself happy and if I jump through the hoops you are wanting me to, I am only taking you further away from your ability to pick yourself up and make yourself happy”, then you will have mastered the ability to feel happy no matter what anyone else is doing. Now doesn’t that sound delicious. Imagine being able to stay peaceful, exhilarated, joyous, thrilled no matter what is happening around you.

Remember that our emotions are a vibration that begin with our thoughts. Find a way to change the way you think about people’s expectations or pressures, a way that will make you feel good about it and you will shift your vibration to attract people who will feel better to you and support your decisions making you feel even better.

Here’s sending you oodles of happy accepting vibes.

Love ya,

MM

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